If there’s anything more dangerous than wishing someone a Merry Christmas, it’s wishing them a Happy Mother’s Day! I seem to be among the minority of folks who don’t have major issues around it. Of course, the issues are completely understandable. Lots of people have lost their mothers, and whether they miss them terribly or regret the relationship they had with them when they were alive, it’s not particularly fun to be reminded about them. Other women never had children and that is their deepest regret in life. Others have lost children or have children with whom they are estranged. Still others don’t feel honored on Mother’s Day because of other mothers (and/or mothers-in-law) in the picture. For all these reasons, every year when I do a talk at Unity on Mother’s Day, I feel as if I’m treading on shaky ground. Yesterday, as always, I attempted to reframe the holiday for people who need that and to focus on some themes and reminders that could be meaningful to everyone. I will repeat that here.
First of all, the holiday originally had nothing to do with honoring moms. It was essentially an anti-war protest. Julia Ward Howe, who wrote The Battle Hymn of the Republic in 1858, was so distraught after the Civil War that in 1870 she issued a “Mother’s Day Proclamation” calling on mothers to come together and protest the futility of their sons killing other mothers’ sons. She actually proposed converting July 4th into Mother’s Day. That obviously didn’t fly, but in 1873, women came together in 18 North American cities to observe this new holiday. Most of the gatherings were personally funded by Mrs. Howe, and when she stopped footing the bill, they petered out. But a seed had been planted.
A WV women’s group led by Anna Reeves Jarvis began to celebrate an adaptation of Mrs. Howe’s idea, to re-unite families and neighbors that had been divided in the Civil War, calling it “Mother’s Friendship Day. “ After she died, her daughter Anna M. Jarvis campaigned for the creation of an official Mother’s Day in remembrance of her mother and in honor of peace. On May 10, 1908, the first official Mother’s Day celebration took place in West Virginia, and in 1914 Woodrow Wilson made it a national observance on the second Sunday in May.
Besides using Mother’s Day as a wakeup call for peace, we can use it to remind us to honor all the people in our lives, perhaps besides our mothers, who have nurtured, protected, cared for and otherwise mothered us. We can include Mother Earth in this category (that would be two times a year we honor her…yahoo!), since she undoubtedly meets all those criteria. We can even include God in there, if that fits our belief system. All faith traditions honor those more feminine/motherly aspects of God, which I believe are right inside all of us.
Sometimes the least safe and least nurtured place I ever find myself in is inside my own head. So I like to use Mother’s Day as a reminder to mother myself more. Over the years as I’ve done that, my mind has become a much safer place to hang out, and I’ve noticed that I see the world as a safer place. I’ve tapped more and more into the part of me that is always ready, willing and able to mother me, to nurture me, to whisper encouragement and support in my ear. But it has taken some work to find that place, and most of it has involved actively mothering myself.
For instance, I’ve become much more careful about how I talk to myself (please see last week’s blog post, Blessed are the Peacemakers). I’ve become much gentler with myself as I continue to grow in awareness and still make many mistakes. I spend a lot less time beating myself up and a lot more time checking in with myself and listening to my own needs and feelings. I give myself much more space to grow into the highest vision I have for myself, as I stubbornly hold that vision, much as a wonderful mother would do. And I’ve stopped thinking of all that as being selfish. In mothering myself, I’ve become a much better giver and server for others.
I’ve always been a nurturer. When I was a young child my favorite activity was caring for a doll and wheeling it around in a little stroller. Yes, the neighbors wondered and worried about me, but I see now it laid the groundwork for my life’s work as a healer and minister. But at one point in my life I realized I was mothering everyone but myself! And when I changed that, everything changed, and my healing ministry took on a whole new energy. I was able to give and serve from a place of fullness if I filled myself up first, not from a place of obligation or from a state of being tapped out or depleted. Many of us believe that as spiritual beings we “should” be loving and compassionate. Well, how about starting with ourselves?
So if the traditional way of celebrating Mother’s Day doesn’t work for you, perhaps you now have some other options. And if you’re worried about Hallmark, go ahead and buy yourself a card.
And, if that’s all we remember, that’s more than enough for now.
