Bittman Bliss Blog

I used to ride a bike a lot when I was a kid, but in the subsequent 45 or so years I’ve ridden one perhaps a dozen times. Some of the gaps in between have been a decade or more. Yet each time I’ve ended one of those bike-riding droughts, all I’ve had to do is hop on and off I went as if the last time had been yesterday. I was not only able to do it, but it was easy. Apparently riding a bicycle is just like riding a bicycle! I find that pretty amazing, especially considering the fact that each time I’ve resumed bike riding after a long hiatus there wasn’t a single atom in my body that was in there the last time I’d done it!

My brain became wired to ride a bicycle early in life and it (and therefore I) will never forget how. Or so I thought.

Have you seen the YouTube video about the backwards bicycle? An engineer was given a bike that turned left when you turned the handlebars to the right, and vice versa. To his surprise, being a coordinated and intelligent guy, he could not ride it, even a few feet. He is a public speaker and began taking the bike on the road with him. He offered anyone in the audience $200 if they could ride the bike 10 feet across the stage and no one could do it. He himself took it on as a personal challenge, and practiced 5 or so minutes a day. It took him 8 months to be able to ride it. And the moment he could do it, he said it was like something clicked in his brain. (By the way, it took his 6-year son 2 weeks to accomplish what it took him 8 months to do)

The most interesting thing about all this for him was that once he was able to ride the backwards bike, he no longer could ride a regular bike (it took him 20 minutes of trying before he could). He forgot how to ride a bicycle!

This is incredibly interesting and empowering to me. I know my brain is wired and biased toward other things besides how to ride a bike. Things like anger, separation, taking things personally, wanting (needing) to be right, judging, being more aware of lack and limitation than of love and abundance, etc., and undoubtedly a whole host of other things I’m not even aware of. I find these things very easy to do and very hard to forget how to do. In fact, I have often entertained the idea that I could never unlearn some of these tendencies. But if it’s possible to unlearn how to ride a bicycle, I know it’s possible to unlearn those things as well. All I have to do is practice a different way, and stick with it until something clicks in my brain. Then I won’t be able to “ride a regular bicycle” anymore!

I believe that at the center of my being is love, and that love is always tapping at the door of my consciousness, ready, willing, able and indeed anxious to pour into my awareness, into my life and into this world. I realize I have allowed my brain to be wired in such a way as to ignore the tapping. I have allowed it to put walls, chains, locks, moats and guard dogs around the door. But I also realize that the more I practice opening the door, moment to moment and day to day, the quicker my brain will re-wire to support that love. I’m more than OK with my brain being biased toward expressing, giving, receiving and experiencing love. How about you? I’ll see you on the backwards bicycle!

For all who receive my blog, my apologies for falling off the blog planet for so long…I’m back! Thought I’d jump back in with this article I wrote a few days ago about my mentor and friend Jim Sigafoose who passed away recently. He was among the most influential chiropractors in our history and most assuredly among the most influential people in my life. The article was written for chiropractors but I think you’ll get the idea in case you don’t happen to match that description…

We just returned from Sig’s Celebration of Life. What a fabulous tribute! My blessings and thanks to Patsy and the whole Sigafoose clan for not only creating the event in the midst of their grief and this undoubtedly hectic period of their lives, but also for being such incredible models of strength and grace. It was wonderful to see so many old friends (even if many of you chose to comment on my gray-ness) and to reconnect with so many amazing warriors from the Gathering, Parker, DE and the mission trips with whom I’ve shared my heart and so many beautiful memories.

The Celebration brought up a whole spectrum of feelings and thoughts, many of which had already been scurrying through my heart and mind this whole past month. Most of them are deeply personal, but I did want to express some of them with y’all. Here goes…

Sig was my spiritual and chiropractic mentor, as he was for many of you. For about 12 years he was also my close friend, my traveling and drinking buddy (mostly coffee, but there were also some memorable tequila episodes…), and, I suppose one could say, my left-hand man (since I was his right-hand man at the Gathering and in the Systems). Because of that, I can confirm that his deepest and truest desire was for all of us to live and serve abundantly, to become maximum expressions of Innate, to become maximum expressions of Love.

This (finally) brings me to the point. Without question, Sig had amazing gifts. His capacity to love, his wisdom, his sense of humor, his dedication to the principle and to us, his non-attachment to things that don’t really make any difference, his tireless energy; I and many of you have worked to emulate some of these qualities. I just want to remind us that his message was pretty simple and pretty consistent over the many years that we heard it, and it’s time for us to embody it and to live it from the inside out, now that he’s no longer around to provide it for us from the outside in.

Our current situation reminds me of Jesus and the disciples. For 3 years Jesus modeled and taught a simple message, but the disciples never fully “got it” until after Jesus’ death, when the “holy Spirit” descended upon them and finished the job that Jesus started. That’s when they finally “shook the dust off their sandals” and reached their potential. Sig modeled and taught his simple message for 48 years. Can we now finally “get it?” Can we let Innate finish the job Sig started? Can we see Sig not so much as the exception but more as an example of what is possible for all of us? Can we find the things we loved and admired about him within ourselves? Can we bring those things out as boldly and beautifully as he did? It seems time we found out.

In almost every conceivable way, Sig was no different from you and me. He was human and he had his issues. There were a few occasions when Hillary and I threatened to lock him in a closet and force him to listen to his own tapes! But perhaps the greatest difference between him and us is that he didn’t let those issues get in the way. From the time many years ago when a guy came into his office trying to sell him an ultrasound machine and Sig, just to get rid of the guy, said, “I don’t have time for that, I’m seeing 80 people a day”, he held a crystal clear vision and spent the majority of his time focused on it. He put his attention more on what he wanted than on what he didn’t want. He put his energy into unfolding his vision and expressing his gifts rather than into all the reasons why he couldn’t or didn’t deserve to. He spent the majority of his moments on the Red Road of life, not wondering how he was going to get there.

Speaking of the Red Road, at the Celebration this past weekend, we were all given a small poster of his picture with the words, “I’ll see you on the Red Road of life”, which was essentially how he ended many of his talks. I think it’s important to mention that he usually didn’t say that precisely; he more often said, “If we are to meet again, it will be on the red road of life, because that’s where I’ll be.” For Native Americans, the Red Road (the loving, abundant, peaceful, spiritual road, as opposed to the Black Road of lack, limitation, greed and ego) wasn’t someplace they walked after they died, it was a place in their consciousness that they could access in each moment. Walking the Red Road was a conscious intention to live according to the ways of the Creator. Sig was reminding us that in each moment, we walked on either the Red Road or the Black through our thoughts, our attention, and our choices.

Every time I choose to get quiet, go within and focus on what is eternal and true, I walk the Red Road. Every time I choose love over fear, faith over appearances, or abundance over lack; every time I choose Spirit over ego, I walk the Red Road. And every time I do, I see Sig. I hear him. I feel him. I am with him on the Red Road, and I experience him just as powerfully as I did when I was in his bodily presence.

It is extremely difficult to envision my life, chiropractic and the world without Sigafoose in them. And, while we’re grieving over this great loss, let’s take what we’ve gained through his immense impact and walk the Red Road in more and more of our moments. I’ll see you there! I love you all.

Years ago I heard a speaker say, “Never ever ‘should’ on yourself or others.” Hillary and I have both used that expression a lot ever since, but recently I have noticed that the word still shows up quite often in my vocabulary. Indeed, last week Hillary mentioned something she should do, and I very wisely (and nauseatingly) observed, “There are no shoulds; only choices and consequences.” Hillary re-phrased her statement in a more empowering way and I emphatically responded, “Well, that’s how you should say it!” We looked at each other for a split second and then simultaneously burst out laughing. It is a challenge to speak English and not use that word!

Since then I’ve had my ears tuned (they sound much better now) for the word and it’s amazing not only how often it comes up but also in how many ways. It’s also amazing how judgmental and disempowering the word often is, and how when we use it, we almost always really mean something else. In paying attention to the word, I’ve noticed that as soon as it’s used, it’s as if all the air gets immediately sucked out of the room, assuming it’s said in a room.

Shoulds are so ubiquitous and so deleterious to our spiritual unfolding that I plan to write my next book about them. I’ll lay out a general overview in this post and get more specific about some of the examples below in the next few posts.

Sometimes it’s pretty innocuous, such as in, “I should be home by 11” or “This should do the trick.” In those cases, we’re making a statement about what we expect, and it’s no big deal. Unfortunately, that’s not all we use it for.

We should on ourselves when we believe we’re not measuring up in some way, as in “I should be richer (happier, thinner, smarter, more enlightened).” My gosh, it’s one thing to acknowledge areas in which we might choose to grow or improve and another to judge ourselves for these “imperfections!” I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of a single time I even thought about self-growth or self-improvement while I was in a place of shame or blame or guilt or negative self-judgment. This is perhaps the shoulding that is most detrimental to our self-worth.

We also should on ourselves in regards to our choices; both those we’ve already made and those we’ve yet to make. The former goes something like this: “I shouldn’t have done this; I should have done that instead.” Yikes. Not only is this type of shoulding judgmental and disempowering, it has us living in the past. And, while we’re busy complaining or being resentful about the choice we’ve made, it stops us from doing what we can to make that choice work.

When we’re faced with a choice, “I should do ___” is just plain not helpful. What are we basing that should on? Usually, it’s based on what society might dictate, or what our mother might say, or what others might expect of us. Even if it’s the choice we’d prefer to make based on our core values and intentions, why say “should?” My ego, the spoiled teenager that it is, hears that I should do something and tends to want to do exactly the opposite!

The root of the word should means “to be under an obligation.” Do I have a greater obligation than to be true to myself? Is there a better criteria for my choices than my own core values, which tend to create win-win situations for all involved? When I say I should do something, it tends to rule out all other possibilities, as if I don’t have a choice. So in all the above cases of shoulding on myself, I’m working on replacing “I should” with “I choose.”

Finally, I do a great deal of shoulding on others as well. “He/She/They/The world should____ (be more grateful or more considerate or more like me, know better, give him or medal, string him up, not be so _____, etc.). Talk about judgmental! Once I have shoulded on you, it’s an inevitable and easy step to go ahead and judge you, blame you, impose my reality upon you and attempt to fix you. As with all cases of should-itis, these shoulds keep me in my head, they solidify the veil of separation between us and they effectively prevent me from loving you.

When I should on myself or on you, it’s a quick ticket out of my heart. Perhaps there really are no shoulds; only choices and consequences. So it behooves me to pay attention to when it comes out of my mouth (or better yet, to when it’s about to come out of my mouth) and change it to “I choose.” That’s what I’m focusing on lately, and I invite you to join me. I’m also focusing on lovingly reminding people when I hear them use the word that perhaps they’d choose to rephrase their statement. And, most of the time, I’ve remembered to not say, “You shouldn’t say should!”

And if that’s all we remember, that’s more than enough for now.

One of the highlights of my recent trip to Rome was seeing some of Michelangelo’s sculptures (gawking at his frescoes on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel wasn’t too shabby either, though definitely tough on the neck…they ought to have chaise lounges in there). I had seen his Pieta once before when I was 8 years old at the World’s Fair in New York City, albeit briefly, as the throngs of people passed by it on a moving platform. I recall vividly being moved to tears in those short moments by the energy, the emotion and the real-ness of it; I remember being convinced that Jesus was going to slide right out of Mary’s lap in any moment. It was no less amazing and moving this time around, almost 40 years later.

I love what Michelangelo said about one of his sculptures: “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” For me, this is a beautiful metaphor for our individual spiritual unfolding. We recognize that our original goodness, our true essence, is still present and active in the core of our being, and our work is to carve and chisel away at everything we’ve layered on top of it. This is the purpose of our spiritual practices. So we learn to forgive, to let go of patterns of thinking that limit us and lead to suffering, to release guilt and worry and judgment and the need to be right and the tendencies to take things personally and to sweat the small stuff. Essentially, we learn to stop thinking, speaking and acting as if our deepest beliefs weren’t true; we learn to stop being who we are not.

Michelangelo took up to 4 years to complete a sculpture; for you and I, uncovering “the angel” seems to take considerably longer. One of the reasons for this, I believe, is that you and I tend to get attached to some of our stuff. We carve off pieces of marble and then pick them up off the floor and stick them right back on. Michelangelo never had to deal with that!

I’ve done a lot of release work in my life and I’ve often noticed that some of the things I’ve released keep showing up like unwanted relatives or recurring bad dreams. This noticing used to lead to a lot of angst and self-abuse. I see now that part of the reason they kept returning and blocking the emergence of the angel that I am was all the mental gymnastics I engaged in when they did reappear. “I should know better.” “Why is this happening?” “Who’s to blame?” “I’ve been working on this issue for 25 years…what’s wrong with me?” When I do this (and I still do sometimes) I just get more attached, I just give the issues more power. I just make them more a part of my very identity. No wonder they love to hang around and jump back on!

Now, whenever I notice something show up that I’d previously released, I just release it again. I am learning to do this with less and less self-judgment, self-pity and resistance. I just acknowledge the familiar scrap of marble, and let it fall back down to the floor. Sometimes, I gently flick it off my arm as I might do with a tiny bug. This always leaves me feeling very empowered because I’m establishing where the power truly is—within me.

I’ve become convinced that release is not something we do once. It’s a moment-to-moment, ongoing process. Indeed, all of life is a process of releasing who we are not. It’s a moment-to-moment, ongoing process to remember who we are. I intend to keep that in mind and to keep on flicking. As I’ve done this, I’ve noticed that I may still have some of the same issues I had 25 years ago, but I have released a lot of my seriousness about them, my hatred of them, my self-criticism over them, my shoulds and yeah buts around them, and my identification with them. I have indeed left more marble on the floor than I used to think, and I know that my angel is emerging more and more and more.

So happy flicking!

And if that’s all we remember, that’s more than enough for now…

We just returned from a fun mini-vacation down in San Francisco. I guess we needed to recover a bit more from our recent maxi-vacation in Europe. Anyway, we stayed one night, saw a stage production of The Wizard of Oz, had a wonderful seafood dinner at Fisherman’s Wharf and generally had a blast. On the way home, we stopped in Apple Hill. The fall colors were glorious and the apples showed up in abundance, in every way, shape, form and baked good you could possible imagine. Now I know there really is a difference between an apple turnover and an apple dumpling. Being inundated with apples got me thinking about abundance and where it comes from.

Where do the apples themselves come from? We might say they come from the roots or leaves of the tree or the soil or the sun or the DNA, and we wouldn’t be wrong. And still, the most complete answer for me is that they come from the Life within the tree (I capitalize the word because I see the Spirit of the divine in it; please feel free to insert any sized letters you might prefer). The apples come from the Intelligence that knows how to take some water and sunlight and carbon dioxide and minerals from the ground and make an apple. When the tree is dead, all those ingredients are still there, including the DNA, but you’ll never see another apple. Life in the tree manifests, creates, apples. The apples are the effect, Life is the cause.

When we tend an apple tree, we don’t have to tell it how to express apples or send it off to school to learn how, we just do our best to nurture it and provide it with the best conditions under which it can thrive. The tree already has everything it needs to express apples, and when conditions are right, we have apples up to our ears.

Where does our abundance come from? It comes from the same place that health, wholeness, love and joy come from. It comes from the Life within us; the life that we are. Just as the Spirit of the apple tree is always expressing apples (even in the winter when it’s resting because the conditions aren’t right), our God Self is always expressing the fruit of who we are: our gifts, our being, our presence, our love. Our job is to help establish the right conditions under which we can thrive so that we can give and receive these things in abundance. This is the source of all forms of abundance in our lives, even the green form. Money is the effect, WE are the cause.

One difference between the tree and you and I is that the tree never forgot any of this, and you and I undoubtedly have. Therefore, the tree never learned self-sabotage or self-judgment or self-pity or self-recrimination. In my life, I have mastered all of these at times. The tree never poisons its own roots. I’ve spent a lot of my life doing that, and I’m tired of it. So I do the work. The tree doesn’t need forgiveness work or self-help books or abundance seminars to re-discover its gift and provide the world with apples. You and I might have some work to do, only because we’ve forgotten.

The tree may not have forgotten, but all it knows to create is apples. You and I can create anything we can imagine, anything around which we center our consciousness. You might not be able to make a baked good out of what you and I can bring into the world, but that’s OK. The world isn’t suffering from a lack of baked goods, but perhaps it is suffering from a lack of the love and other gifts that you and I are currently not expressing.

So for me, “abundance work” is no different than any other spiritual practice. It’s about remembering who we are. When we remember, we can tap into our inner resources and be more open to creative ideas and opportunities, conditions that will surely help us manifest abundance in any form we choose. When we remember, we know that we are always bigger and stronger than any appearance of lack or limitation. And remembering can begin with the way we talk to ourselves and others. This has been my major focus of late. This is how we begin to establish the right conditions for our fruit to manifest in abundance.

Affirmations are a powerful tool for improving our self-talk. We can also upgrade our answers to those questions we hear all the time. The last time someone asked how you were doing, for instance, did you answer, “I always have more than enough because I am always more than enough” or “I am manifesting the life of my dreams and all the fruit that comes with it right now” or “All the abundance in this universe is unfolding through me and for me right here and right now”? If not, why not? As I’ve said recently about using this question as an opportunity to affirm our health and wholeness, we can choose to answer, “Who are you” instead of “How are you”, and affirm our true and natural state of abundance. The worst that can happen is that they’ll stop asking!

The world needs our apples! Happy creating!

And if that’s all we remember, that’s more than enough for now…